Choosing not to see

I have chosen to sin for much of the day today.  And my sin not only separates my from my holy and loving God, but He detests it.  My sin has been my ingratitude, ungratefulness, and lack of  joy!  Let me share with you my short day so far:

Ryan woke me up around 3:30am and proceeded to have trouble getting settled back until I finally returned to bed around 5:40am.  Instead of singing God’s praises that I have a healthy son who still considers my singing and rocking to be his source of comfort, I quietly grumbled to myself and out loud grumbled to Jon about how tired I was.

Anna, who has been fighting a fever and vomiting for a couple of days, came skipping into my room around 7:00am–earlier than normal.  She was so clearly feeling much better and was over the worst of her sickness.  Instead of praising God for answering my prayer to heal her completely and quickly, I grumbled about how early it was, how energetic she was, and how tired I was (my grumbling was internal, but likely showed on my countenance).

After praying and waving goodbye to Jon as he took our dossier docs to be apostilled downtown, I continued to live in a state of mentally thinking about how tired I was.  Jon called around 9:00am or so to tell me that of our 23 docs taken for apostille, they rejected 14 of them for a minor wording issue by our notary.  Instead of rejoicing that we live in Raleigh and have the opportunity to take them again later today or tomorrow once corrected, I grumbled about how hard we had worked, how much time we had spent getting them “just right” and how much we needed them done quickly in order for our travel plans not to be impacted.

Suddenly, I began rushing around trying to print out new copies of the docs so we can fill them out, began trying to get the children ready to be gone for most-if not all, of the morning, began trying to carefully reread the directions again, began trying to contact our case manager at our agency to seek advice, and began trying to squelch my frustration with the whole situation.

By 10am we are on the road headed to meet Jon, fill out new forms, contact a notary, and get the forms notarized again.  Instead of pulling together for this, Jon and I both allowed some of our frustration about the entire situation to seep onto each other.

By 1:15pm, after an entire morning in the car and several phone calls and errands, Jon calls me to let me know he just dropped off the docs again for apostilling at the Secretary of State’s office downtown.  I sighed a breath of relief and continued driving for home to get the kids down for their rest time–since I was also exhausted!

By 2:30pm, the Holy Spirit had so convicted me of my attitude that I spent time in God’s word and realized how foolish, ungrateful, and quick to choose to sin I had been all day long. 

Thank you, Lord, for opening my eyes and allowing me to see myself and You as You see me.  Thank you, Lord, that we have the privilege of adopting..thank you, Lord that your will is perfect and your timing is perfect, thank you, Lord, that you allowed so many miraculous things to happen all morning for us to even be able to get our docs turned in again today..thank you, Lord, for allowing me to see my selfishness and ingratitude, thank you, Lord for loving me and dying on the cross for my ugly, sinful heart.

Yes, Lord, I believe Your word is true.  I believe you are who you say you are, I believe in your love for me and your desire for my life to glorify You and You alone. 

I give thanks to all who have lifted us up today and our docs up today as well.  I will rest in God’s perfect timing and God’s perfect will for my life.  And I will sing praise to God despite the circumstances.

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